Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in allsameintheend's LiveJournal:

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Sunday, September 10th, 2006
11:34 am	EUPHORIA: an exaggerated, unrealistic sense of well-being todays thursday, right?> you know those sleeps that are so so good and necessary that you didn't even realize how tired you were, or that you were even asleep? i havent' had one of those in a long, long time; and it was the most beautiful thirty minute deep sleep i've ever experienced. i wish i didn't have to be wakened to go home, i wish i could have stayed there until six thirty this morning. i doubt i would have wanted to get up then, either though. babysitting at nine tonight and i miss my ioanny boy, among other people (coughcoughmerleandalisoncough) i have to stop buying shit. and smoking, mainly because my bank account went from 670$ down to 422$ in the past three days. Current Mood: euphoric Current Music: pussycat dolls bitches!! (buttons is stuck in my head) (Comment on this)
Monday, September 4th, 2006
7:16 pm	sisemena Downright melody Plucking a broken ukulele A pied piper of downfall In a sopping-wet story Already gone the way of the sleazy To a next onslaught of whorey Slithering upwards, Riding on the coattails Of glory The constant killjoy Collecting early dues Wants obscene amounts of ecstasy Can’t get enough holes in her shoes Will fill any heart with helium; Watch as it flies away Rising still upwards Riding on the coattails Of dismay In a free-falling highchair Where one gets the upper hand Takes the seats from the children So there’s no need to stand for the vanity is in breaking the fear of blue-black veins She’s teetering on upwards Riding on the coattails Of distain (Comment on this)
Friday, September 1st, 2006
10:16 pm	i am not negligable. (Comment on this)
Monday, July 24th, 2006
7:14 pm	i'ma coming home tomorrow and i cant wait though i will miss american television. i feel kinda robbed, we had two power outtages, cutting into my tv time. oh woe is me. i'll call around when i'm back love hannah (7 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, July 5th, 2006
1:06 pm	i dont know what to do anymore. that feeling of leaving is back. but where would i go? (Comment on this)
Monday, July 3rd, 2006
2:43 am	where is the justice. where is the FUCKING justice? Current Mood: not so amazing. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, June 28th, 2006
6:17 pm	my cousin once told me the opposite of love is nothing. apathy. whatever. hate and love are so similar because in both, passion overwhelms all common sense. sasha said it too. genius. i used to think that i hated kat. now i realise that i don't care. i would be able to look her in the eye, and not feel anything at all. no hate, no love. just nothing. there's just no point in wasting my energy on her. maybe time heals all. apathy is the o nly thing i'd ever like to feel about her again. i wish that i could hate less. its too blinding. i never thought that this would be me, that i would feel so violently about anything in my life. but i do. and i hate the fact that i hate so much. (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, June 27th, 2006
8:16 pm	logan tried to make friends with a skunk. the skunk didn't want to be friends. poor logan now he's lonely and he smells. tomato juice as a deactivator for skunk is bullshit. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, June 26th, 2006
12:13 am	i love my family (Comment on this)
Tuesday, June 20th, 2006
10:04 pm	when i was a kid i had this piggy bank type thing. well more of a doggy bank, becasue it was a golden yellow lab made out of 100% chinese plastic, about 12 centimeters tall, if that. he was in the sitting position, and the only real detail on him was painted eyes, nose and mouth. the slot was on the top of his head, the escape hole for your change on the bottom. in the time space that i am unable to remember, i called him hannah-doggy. hannah doggy was my evil side. whenever i did something bad, my parents would ask me who did it. i'd just look at them full on, with total seriousness on my face, and say matter of factly "hannah-doggy did it." eventually they'd get me to admit it was me. but apparently i did this for years on end, over and over, every time eventually admitting my own responsability. i don't remember those events. i remember naming "hannah-doggy" Goldy, changing him to a he (though i never remembered him ever being a SHE), and having him marry my favourite stuffed animal brownie the dog (who originally had the name Andy. he always looked more like a she though; just as goldy looked more like a he, than my alter ego) i dont know where he is now, and i wish i still had him i remember such events as putting goldy on the small porch of my bridgenorth home and tying him to the railing so he could be a guard dog. i then realized that he could get stolen, or hurt (yes, hurt) and tried untying his leash (a green ribbon that is non unsimilar to thetype you used to wrap christmas presents) i tied the knot too tight and ended up biting through the leash and putting him right inside the door. another time i wanted the money in him, and despite my parents warnin that i shouldn't, i took a knife to the almost perforated circle that was always hidden by the surface he would be sitting on. half way sawing through the plastic, i regretted it, because i was 1)hurting goldy 2)there was nothing i wanted in him except for money 3)it was all pennies and 4) because the hole i cut was ugly and sawed badly, not at all in a perfect clean circle. after my "operation, i'd never be able to use goldy again. now, i think piggy banks with no direct way of getting money out are stupid and destructive to something that so honourable held your money for them. i also wonder where i got the idea of "hannah-doggy" how i decided at a very young age it would be smart to blame something that wasn't me, but directly correllated TO me; for my mistekes/trouble making. it also occurs to me that i could have found a much better-suited less-obvious name for my dr. jekyll. it just seems very uncanny that even though i nnno longer have goldy/hannah-doggy, i always look for someone or thing to blame, and yet i always assume guilt when i'm not actually in the guilty party (2 Comments |Comment on this)
12:06 am	i said its alright, you know its alright deja vu pray for a different ending honesty finito. (Comment on this)
Thursday, June 15th, 2006
11:21 pm	one exam done, another to go. work work work i sold a piece. i made 350. its ridiculous. i also get portfoliio rights and i can buy it back if ever i want to. framed ma'fucker. i love ms. mcright. i'm afraid of failing. and other things. block. (Comment on this)
Sunday, June 11th, 2006
7:24 pm	i have a dog now.....he's cute and adorable and i love him and he loves me.....but he's young and untrained and therefore stupid (not literally, he's a smart dog, just, he isn't acting like it)he's chased the cat too many times so my poor baby girl is angry at us and is hiding so i can't try and make it up to her or whatever. logan (pooch) drinks from the toilet bowl and although he knows how to heal and to sit he doesn't know what stay,lie down,off,no,stay away from that big dog, calm down,get your nose away from my food and give up becasue you're not going to get any either way, or STOP FOLLOWING ME AROUND YOU"RE YOUR OWN DOG means. but he's adorable and i love him....though i'm getting a wee bit annoyed with him. its ok. i'll learn him. in a strictly pacifist way i mean. i'm thinking about having a bbq soon. we'll see. i'll need to talk it over with my parents, and i'll need to hone down the list that i've made which is like forty people which is so so many. who knows. i'll figure it out. anyways. week was good. week is good. week better be good too. its almost the end. it is the end. (Comment on this)
Monday, June 5th, 2006
11:39 pm	where is everyone? it seems like forever and a day we've started looking for dogs, i really hope we find one soon, now i'm just getting obsessed with getting one again. i want something big and cuddly and not able to talk back to my stupidity to love me as much as i love them. i hope we find one soon, i want him or her for summer, so i can get to know them really well. naketa was always my parents dog, and we only really got so close in this year before she died. i want this dog to be mine. i want it to sleep in my bed, and come to me. i guess thats selfish. but for the first year of having naketa she didn't like me and ran me over alot. she was a good dog. a very very good dog. Current Music: rolling sly stone red ho chili peppers (Comment on this)
Sunday, June 4th, 2006
8:35 am	i can't stop coughing. (Comment on this)
Saturday, June 3rd, 2006
4:39 pm	it gets so real sometimes is it possible to absolutely love someone but be totally uncertain about them at the same time? or to hate someone so much that you want them so bad? i want to just live off of love that i find, not love that i found once but lost then found again. but i'd be happy. am i just doing this to myself for default automatic happiness, becasue its so easy, or do i really want this? why does the word promiscuous sound so appealing now? (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, May 29th, 2006
7:41 pm	injury to insult insult in jury jury decides guilty, of all charges life imprisonment no chance of parole good behaviour is unexpected good behaviour is irrellevant cant save you now wont save you now shouldn't save you now or never ever ever forever? fornever? search the map of the world and you wont find right from wrong left from right becauuse after a certain degree, doesn't right become left? insult to injury jury insulted when judge voice low, calm and hyptnotized speaks blashphemy "i disagree with your sentece, let the convicted go free." (Comment on this)
Sunday, May 28th, 2006
9:01 pm	and this time i simply cannot live with the gap. so please, fill it. am i really stronger than i was a year ago? ten months ago? seven, six, five, four, three, two months ago? i thought i was, but what if i'm not? at least i have some form of safety shield. at least this time i have ammo....total honesty. nothing to hide. nothing to hide behind. i'm confused, overwhelmed, anxiety-ridden and happy. Current Music: random (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, May 21st, 2006
1:15 am	just so you know, i am the last resort. (yes, that was a pick up line) cameron had an awesome jam. good for him for keeping his cool even though people ate his cold cuts and icecream (oh god it was so goooooood) anyways. here are some names i like, that i might name my kid(s) -david (because i've never met a dave i didn't like) -dukaine (long story short, there's this character tongson drew that looks like a cross between dk and hussain, and i called him dukaine, and i decided i really like that name) -dukaine david (because it has a nice ring to it) -avery (because its such a nice name) -john (because it's my family name on my mom's side) -andrew (because its my family name on my dad's side) -moon river (i love the song, and she'd hate me for a long time, but thank me in the long run) -mary(because i love my mom and her name) -hannah (becasue guys always name their sons after them so why the fuck not, but i doubt i would) -if i meet a guy whose last name is dover, i'd name my kid ben. just say it. -ellipse (because i like it. no reason, other than i use ellipses when i write alot. but i guess thats a pretty viable reason.) anyways i guess after looking at this i'm pretty much anticipating having a boy. mainly because i really had to think hard about girls names, and guys names came to me like BAM that. wierd. Current Mood: past drunk but out of it Current Music: random. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, May 18th, 2006
8:05 pm	deja vu almost five months to the day almost one year to the day is life repeating or is it just all the same. Current Mood: ultimatum-ated Current Music: moon river stuck in my head (2 Comments |Comment on this)